Thursday, September 21, 2006

Don't Get Your Shoe Caught in an Escalator

In reference to my first post, specifically those Croc cloggy shoes.

So I'm laying in bed in the fucking afternoon 'cuz I'm too fucking sick to do anything, just watching the news on channel 4 [nbc]. Apparently, there's some type of safety hazard with those fugly Croc shoe clog type things involving escalators. They tend to get sucked in to the escalator jaws or something. Croc HQ corporate said they would put elevator warnings on the hangtags.
I tried to pay more attention, but I was laughing too hard. Newscasts are kind of ridiculous. I just kept staring at the footage of random people stomping their feet in crocs. What's up with all the random footage of random crap in newscasts? I wanna be a cameraman and shoot buildings and people's fat asses as they walk. AND people stomping their feet in ugly rubber shoes.

I tried looking for the news story on the website, but gave up. Because it sucks. To navigate. So read this forum of people arguing if it's the parent's fault the gawddamn kid gets their gawddamn shoes stuck in an escalator. Or here for a newspaper article.

Indeed, life is tough for us connoisseurs of rubber shoes, no?

Elevators can be dangerous places. For instance, I few years ago I was at the Macy's at Herald Square in NYC. For those of you who don't know, they still have the original wooden [yes! wooden] escalators. If you think the regular metal ones are scary [I certainly do], these wooden ones look and sound like they were made by satan himself. So, some old broad decided to lay her fur coat on the handrests things. Good job, einstein. I'm not against fur [send all hatemail to hatemail@kissmyass.com btw I'm fucking vegetarian and have never bought a fur coat in my life, so go continue to eat a burger while you wear leather dr. martins and harass everyone who doesn't share your sacred opinions], but I was against this fugly p.o.s. nightmare of a coat. It was one of them massive eyesores Staten Island housewives cum their plus size granny panties about. So...as expected the bitch gets the coat caught in the escalator. Gets "caught" is not the right word for it: gets eaten is more like it. I couldn't stop laughing. Even the security guard had a look on his face like he wanted to bust out laughing. The old broad was freakin' out like crazy.

Moral of the story is: Watch where you put your rubber-shod feet. Or you'll be ordering only one stocking instead of the full pair.

2 comments:

Oneeyedjack said...

Crocs on escalator warnings next on Live at 5! *cut to severed leg being chewed into hamburger*

People are always looking for someone to sue in order for their own stupidity. People like that need the world to be made idiot-proof...

rubb said...

Hehe :) Great story... Actually, I never imagined that escalators really can be dangerous...